30.4.10
Joke - What Trip?
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Joke - Back Seat
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years."
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"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years."
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28.4.10
Joke - Nice Name
There were 3 japanese guys named Chu, Bu & Fu.
They didn`t like their names so they decided to go to America and change their names.
And they arrived in U.S.
So Chu changed his name to Chuck..
Bu changed his name to Buck
and Fu ?
He went back home!
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They didn`t like their names so they decided to go to America and change their names.
And they arrived in U.S.
So Chu changed his name to Chuck..
Bu changed his name to Buck
and Fu ?
He went back home!
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Joke - Bad Memory
An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong with them. They see the doctor and tell him about the memory problems they've been having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are physically fine but might want to start writing things down to help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" asks his wife.
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks.
"Sure," he says.
She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember."
"I'll remember," he says
"Well, I would also like some strawberries on top," she says.
"You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget."
"I can remember that," he says, as he begins to loose his patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I would also like whip cream on top," she adds, "I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I will remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food.
20 minutes later he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where the hell is my Pineapple juice?"
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Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" asks his wife.
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks.
"Sure," he says.
She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember."
"I'll remember," he says
"Well, I would also like some strawberries on top," she says.
"You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget."
"I can remember that," he says, as he begins to loose his patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I would also like whip cream on top," she adds, "I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I will remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food.
20 minutes later he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where the hell is my Pineapple juice?"
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Joke - How Many?
A man walks into the front door of a bar.
He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and offers to call him a cab. The drunker is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunker looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunker bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool and then violently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunker looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?
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He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and offers to call him a cab. The drunker is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man and again offers to call a cab. The drunker looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunker bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool and then violently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunker looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?
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Joke - Wrong Question
John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.
So Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
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Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.
So Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
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Joke - Married Life
Married Life is funny!
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen!
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In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen!
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Joke - Same Feeling
A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
The wife stares at him and and yells, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."
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"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful... Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
The wife stares at him and and yells, "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."
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Joke - Wife's Dentures
This preacher just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he could preach for 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only for 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour & 45 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
Today, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...
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The first Sunday, he could preach for 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only for 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour & 45 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
Today, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures...
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27.4.10
Joke - Like What?
A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like the most in me. My pretty face or my attractive figure?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humour".
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"What do you like the most in me. My pretty face or my attractive figure?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humour".
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