A teacher had asked her class to write a letter to God. This is what some of them wrote:
Dear God:
Instead of letting people die and making new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have?
- Johnny
Dear God:
Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. It worked with me and my brother.
- Larry
Dear God:
If you watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
- Mickey
Dear God:
Is it true my father won't get into Heaven if he uses his such words in the house?
- Anita
Dear God:
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
- Norma
Dear God:
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
- Michael
12.6.10
Joke - Group Photo
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher, She's dead."
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher, She's dead."
Joke - Impression!
After successfully passing the bar exam, a young man opened his own law office. One day he was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him.
"Show him right in!" the lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!"
Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."
"Show him right in!" the lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in the lawyer had an idea. He quickly picked up the phone and shouted into it "...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!"
Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones, "Good morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the telphone company," Mr. Jones replied. "I'm here to connect that phone."
Joke - Bad Luck
Old Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
10.6.10
Joke - Precious Cow!
The wise old Mother Superior was ill. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the young nuns asked with earnest, "please impart us some of your wisdom."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the young nuns asked with earnest, "please impart us some of your wisdom."
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Joke - God's Farm
A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around
.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams."
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold! It's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together."
"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone."
.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams."
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Low and behold! It's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together."
"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone."
Joke - Fried Chicken!
My teacher said I was being disrespectful. She'd asked us what our favorite animal was, and I'd said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right. Everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why?. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
NOTE - Colonel Sanders was an American Entrepreneur who founded Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).
My parents told me to always be honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why?. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
NOTE - Colonel Sanders was an American Entrepreneur who founded Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).
8.6.10
7.6.10
Joke - Friday Night Dinner
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and a tomato"!
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and a tomato"!
Joke - School Note
A wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school:
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
6.6.10
Joke - Health Secret
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday, and every one was complimenting him on how well he looked.
"I will tell you the secret," he said. "My wife and I were married seventy-five years ago. On our wedding night we made a pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk.
"I have been in the open air continuously for the past seventy-five years."
"I will tell you the secret," he said. "My wife and I were married seventy-five years ago. On our wedding night we made a pledge that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go out and take a walk.
"I have been in the open air continuously for the past seventy-five years."
Joke - Get In Line!
A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by. It is the longest procession he has ever seen, with a long line of men walking behind the bead body. He notices that the first man in line has a nice big dog on a leash. After watching the long line for a few minutes, the man's curiosity gets the better of him, so he goes up to the first man in the procession.
"Excuse me, Sir" he says to the mourner with the dog, "I'm very sorry to bother you in your time of grief, but never in my life have I seen such a large funeral procession. Could you please tell who this funeral is for?"
"Yes," said the man, tightening the leash on his dog, "the funeral is for my mother-in-law. "You see," he says, "my dog, here attacked and killed her."
"Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that," says the other man,
"But.. tell me do you think may be I could borrow this dog?"
The mourner points his thumb over the shoulders and says, "Get in Line."
"Excuse me, Sir" he says to the mourner with the dog, "I'm very sorry to bother you in your time of grief, but never in my life have I seen such a large funeral procession. Could you please tell who this funeral is for?"
"Yes," said the man, tightening the leash on his dog, "the funeral is for my mother-in-law. "You see," he says, "my dog, here attacked and killed her."
"Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that," says the other man,
"But.. tell me do you think may be I could borrow this dog?"
The mourner points his thumb over the shoulders and says, "Get in Line."
Joke - Better View
Cricket humour - In a cricket match every decision of the umpire was received by the spectators with hoots of derision. The umpire finally decided to quit the field and joined the crowd.
A spectator asked him : Why are you sitting here?"
I an trying to find out if I can see the game better from here?
A spectator asked him : Why are you sitting here?"
I an trying to find out if I can see the game better from here?
Joke - Stay There
It was raining heavily and the motorist had car trouble on a lonely country road. Anxious to find shelter for the night, he walked over to a farm house and knocked on the front door.
No one responded. He could feel the water from the roof running down the back of his neck as he stood on the porch.
The next time he knocked louder, but still no answer. By now he was soaked to the skin. Desperately he pounded on the door. At last the head of a man appeared out of an upstairs window.
"What do you want?" he asked gruffly. "My car broke down," said the traveller "and I want to know if I can stay here for the night".
"Sure," replied the man. "If you want to stay there all night, it's okay with me."
No one responded. He could feel the water from the roof running down the back of his neck as he stood on the porch.
The next time he knocked louder, but still no answer. By now he was soaked to the skin. Desperately he pounded on the door. At last the head of a man appeared out of an upstairs window.
"What do you want?" he asked gruffly. "My car broke down," said the traveller "and I want to know if I can stay here for the night".
"Sure," replied the man. "If you want to stay there all night, it's okay with me."
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