The Male And Female Way Of Doing Things - Hilarious Jokes

Please note that with the arrival of new "Drive- through" cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Male Procedure

1) Drive up to the cash machine
2) Wind down your car window
3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4) Enter amount of cash required
5) Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6) Wind up window

Female Procedure

1) Drive up to cash machine
2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to
machine
3) Re-start the stalled engine
4) Wind down the window
5) Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
6) Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7) Attempt to insert card into machine
8) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
9) Insert card
10) Re- insert card right way up
11) Re- enter the handbag to find diary with your PIN written on
the inside back page
12) Enter PIN
13) Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14) Enter amount of cash required
15) Re-check make-up in rear view mirror
16) Retrieve cash and receipt
17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18) Place receipt in back of check book
19) Re-check make-up again
20) Drive forward 2 feet
21) Reverse back to cash machine
22) Retrieve card
23) Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the
slot provided
24) Re-check make-up
25) Restart stalled engine and pull away
26) Drive for 3 to 4 miles
27) Release parking brake

This weeks buys and loves

Dress I was going to buy,
Miss Seflridge £65

I went shopping with my girls on Monday night to the Metro Centre. We shopped till we dropped and got kicked out at 10pm as all the shops were closing.

I did not have a lot of money, so I there was more window shopping than actual shopping from me. I did however treat myself with a bargain in Miss Selfridge. I got a lovely dress in the sale reduced from £32 to £17, and with my student discount on top of it I only paid £15.

 I did originally go to try on a dress I was majorly in love with on the website, however after trying it on I found it wasn't very flattering and changed my mind.

My £15 pound Miss Selfridge Dress,
Worn with a black leather belt (H&M), and black tights.

Miss Selfridge £26 

My friend bought this lovely skirt from Miss Selfridge also. We both plan on wearing them for our friends 23rd birthday on Monday night. I will post pictures of us both later.






Other items I found when shopping, that I fell in love with are;

Miss Selfridge £49

Miss Selfridge £45

Topshop £26

Topshop £10

Miss Sefridge £39

Topshop £12 

Miss Selfridge £90

What are you loving at the moment? Have you made any purchases over the past couple of weeks?

First Review| Rimmel Scandal Eyes Mascara

 My first review, is on my beauty must, at all times, mascara! Mascara is the one product I would not leave the house without, I feel like I'm naked without it. As a result I go through a lot of mascara, and I am quite picky and opinionated.

So this mascara is Rimmel Scandaleyes. It is one of their recent releases, and this is my second tube,

so as you can see I don't find it too bad. I will talk you through the pro's and con's.

Pro's

• Does not smudge or wear off during the day (I work in hospitality, so I am around a lot of heat, steam, moisture etc, and it rarely wears off and give me panda eyes.)
• Builds up very easily, so can apply many layer easily without it flaking.
• Gives the look of very long lashes.

Con's

• Very Very large brush, so can be a bit difficult to handle to begin with.
• Dries up quickly compared to other mascaras.

Overall I would give it a 7/ 10, mainly because it takes some getting used to the large brush. Have you ever tried this mascara? What do you think of it? 

British Fashion Awards 2011

A couple of days late, I know, but I still would like to share my opinion.

Winners 2011;

• Designer of the Year- Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen
• Designer Brand- Victoria Beckham
• Red Carpet Award- Stella McCartney
• Accessory Designer- Charlotte Olympia
• Model- Stella Tennant
• British Style Award- Alexa Chung
• Menswear Designer- Kim Jones
• Emerging talent Award- Tabitha Simmons
• Emerging Talent Award- Menswear- Christopher Raeburn
• Isabella Blow Award for Fashion Creator- Sam Gainsbury
• New Establishment Award- Christopher Kane
• BFC Outstanding Achievement in Fashion- Paul smith

Victoria Beckham

Firstly a huge congratulations to Victoria Beckham. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a huge love and admiration for the woman, so I was over the moon when I heard she won Designer Brand of the Year. After all her hard work, she has finally solidified her place in the fashion world. I think it was great to see, a rare moment of emotion from her as well, which shows just how much this award meant to her. Watch the Video Below;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygHsHFA9Y08

Sarah Burton

The designer of the year was obviously going to be Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen, there was no questioning that. I mean she does deserve it after designing the dress of the year, however it would of been interesting to see who would of won if there had not been the Royal Wedding.

Alexa Chung

For the British Style Award, I was disappointed to see Alexa Chung win it. I am not saying she is not stylish, She is incredibly stylish, and a great muse, you only have to look at Mulberry for that. However she won the award last year, she always dresses the same, and never really pushes the boundaries of style, and I feel a bit over her really. It would be nice to see someone else being the "it" girl for a change. There was a lot of up-roar from the press, saying that Kate Middleton deserved to win the award after all she has frequented the pages of "Best Dressed" far more than Alexa Chung has this year.

What does everyone think? Who would you have picked for your winners?

That Time of the Month| Exercises That Relieve Period Pains

So this is a little personal, but it effects all of us girls. It's just a quick post about a way I have found to help us through this time of the month.

Obviously the usual, hot-water bottle, sofa, chocolate, magazines of films, helps. But sometimes you can not do that, and you need to actually get on with your life. I always have one day, when I am in serious pain, once so much so I nearly passed out, and at times I have been sick. So I always try and find ways to relieve this pain, so I can continue the day as normal as possible.

As much as you want to, curling up in a ball, does not help! Your muscles need to be relaxed not tensed. So I have found a short easy gentle yoga routine can help, as this helps you focus on your breathing, not the pain. It also helps you relax all you muscles especially the stomach ones.

You can easily search such routines on YouTube, as there is loads of free tutorials available. I have recently used;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moF1sy0SvGk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4SDE2kpQHs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mChI17yrOXM&feature=related

I hope this helps even one person! How do your relieve your cramps? 

One Cigarette Lighter - Crazy Joke

The ship was sinking fast and four sailors were able to get a lifeboat into the water and climb into it safely.

They decided to have a cigarette and relax a few moments before starting their journey to safety. The cigarettes were dry, but all their matches were wet and they had no way to light their cigarettes.

Finally, one of the sailors came up with a solution. He threw a cigarette overboard.

This worked well. They were able to smoke, because ...

... the lifeboat had become ONE CIGARETTE LIGHTER

Joke - At The Funeral Ceremony

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held and, at the end of the service, the pallbearers are once more carrying the casket.

As they are walking out, the husband shouts,

"Watch out for the wall!"

The Princess and the Bee| Bee Venom Face Mask

I bet you are all wondering how the lovely Kate Middleton looks so great and what her facial routine is and how she is so wrinkle free! Or like me, you really haven't given a second thought about it. But anyways here is how she supposedly keeps her face line free, and it's a trick given to her by Duchess Camilla.

The big secret is a natural alternative to Botox, in the shape of a Bee Venom Mask. It is a product supplied by Heaven Skin Care by Deborah Mitchel. The science behind the product is that the cream contains one per cent bee venom. This venom tricks the skin's surface into thinking it had been stung, thus increasing the blood flow, collagen and elasticity. The Princess herself has private treatments at her home, as opposed to buying the product.

In my opinion I can see the sense in this, I understand how it works, and think it's a pretty innovative product. I would love to try it myself, but as I currently don't have many lines on my face I'm reluctant to folk out the £65 needed per pot.

If anyone has tried this product I would love to hear about it, and see what your experiences have been like.

Abs Are Made In The Kitchen

I don't know about you, but I never seem to get the right balance with nutrition and exercise. I either find myself religiously working out, 5/6 days a week, feeling great, but not eating right as I am in the mentality that "oh I worked out already, so I can eat this chocolate." Or I eat great, really healthily, but don't exercise, as I think "I'm eating great and loosing weight, so I don't need to exercise."

At the moment I am eating great, but not exercising, I keep telling myself "Oh well, weight loss is 70 percent diet, and 30 per cent exercise." However if I don't work out I won't be toned, I need to kick myself up the bum. Think of it this way, you eat 3-5 times a day, everyday, however you only workout 1-2 times a day 5-6 times a week. The activity that you partake in the most, if obviously going to have a greater impact on your body. 

So starting this week, as in tomorrow! I am going to workout 4 days a week, and keep my soup/smoothie diet up.

I am also upping my soup/smoothie diet, to kick start my weight loss for December. So I will be having 3 smoothies a day, and 3 soups a day, it will almost be like a cleanse. Everything I eat will be green and I will be making sure the soups and smoothies are rammed full of protein so I do not loose muscle mass like you can do in some cleanses. 

Have you ever been on a cleanse, or liquid diet? Do you get the balance right between exercise and diet?

Harper Beckham| Four Months and Fabulous

This is just a quick little post about how fabulous I think Harper Beckham is, but more importantly how fabulous Victoria Beckham is.

Victoria Beckham has always been a huge favorite of mine. I was never one of her many haters she seems to have her in the UK, and have always been a big defender of hers. I completely love how she has now proved her haters wrong and become a worldwide successful fashion designer. Like she says in her own words "Our turnover year-over-year has increase over 120 percent. I think to anyone's standards that's pretty impressive."

She is often given a hard time in the press here, about how she always carries Harper around like she's an accessory, yes she would be safer in a pram, but she is not the first celebrity to show off their child. Plus at least she is spending time with her child, and does not leave her with a nanny at all times while she flies around the world.

Today Victoria is getting a hard time for spending £30 on a pair of Chloe tights for Harper, but come on, the Beckham's are worth millions, so why can they not spend their money on their children. Plus it is all about relevance. To many spending £30 on a pair on tights for a baby is absurd, as that could be the cost of a meal out at a restaurant, or near the cost of a weekly shop for one. But to the Beckhams, who's income is higher, so their spending will be higher, £30 for tights would have the same significance as one of us mere mortals spending £5 on tights.

What is your opinion on the Beckhams, do you love them or loathe them?