Jokes On The Indian Railways

Jokes on the Indian Railways. Hope you have a good laugh

1. A disappointed lover lay on the railway tracks to die. A passer-by asked why he had a rice and curry lunchbox with him.

He replies: “In this country, you can starve to death waiting for a train.” 

2. Did you hear about the disgruntled passenger who decided to trick the Indian Railway? He bought a ticket but refused to travel. 

Joke - Written Communication

Once a couple had one of their usual quarrels as a consequence of which all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning. 


So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife's pillow. His wife read it and went to sleep.


He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper. 


On it was written, "Please wake up, it is 6 o'clock now."

POZI MWANANA

Joke - Emergency Call

This is the true story of George, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.


He immediately phoned the police. The police explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.


George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.


"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."


Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. 


One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"


George said, "I thought you said there was Nobody Available!"

Humour - Symptoms Of Drinking 2 Much Coffee!

You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When:


1. You ski uphill.

2. You speed walk in your sleep.

3. You answer the door before people knock.

4. You sleep with your eyes open.

5. You just completed your third sweater today, and you don’t know how to knit.

6. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

7. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

8. The only time you’re standing still is in an earthquake.

9. You lick your coffee pot clean.

10. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

11. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

12. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

13. You don’t sweat, you percolate.

14. People get dizzy just watching you.

15. People can test their batteries in your ears.

16. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

17. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

18. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

Joke - Blind Date

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.


When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"


"Why is that?" her mom asked.


"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"


"Isn't that a good thing?"


"But he's the original owner mom!"

Joke - Business Matters

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.


 People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.


A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: 'Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.'


The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says 'Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?

Joke - Turn Over

A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory.


But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.


Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind.


Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE BOX OVER."

Joke - Tough Decision

An Italian, a Jew, and an Irishman are marooned on a desert island for five years. One day, while walking along the beach, one of them comes across an old bottle. He rubs it and out comes a genie, who is empowered to grant each of them their dearest wish:


"Ah," says the Italian, "let me go back to the Old Country, where the wine is sweet and the women are beautiful." BANG! He vanishes.


"For me," says the Jew, "I want to go to the Holy Land and live out the rest of my days with my people." BANG! He vanishes.


"Gee," says the Irishman, "it's so hard to choose what to ask for. I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide."

Joke - Fishing Spot

Two Irishmen are out fishing for the day, and they have a great time; with the fish grabbing the hooks as fast as they can get them into the water. Finally, with the boat full of as many fish as it will hold, they decide it's time to head for shore.

"But listen," says Mick, "why don't we mark the spot?"

"No problem," says Paddy, who dives into the water and paints a big black X on the bottom of the boat.

Mick beams with pleasure, and they're almost back to the dock when his face wrinkles in consternation. "Oh, no!" he cries to Paddy, "what if we don't get the same boat?".

Joke - Time Up!

Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them.


Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.


His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop’s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."


Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.


In his excitement Little Johnny said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"

Top 10 Humorous Facts About Movies.

1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.


2. A detective/police officer can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.


3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.


4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.


5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.


6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.


7. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.


8. When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.


9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.


10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Joke - Act Of Forgiveness

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Priest asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"


80% held up their hands.


The Priest then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.


"Mrs. Gomes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"


"I don't have any," She replied, smiling sweetly.


"Mrs. Gomes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"


Ninety-eight," she replied.


The entire congregation stood up and clapped their hands.


"Oh, Mrs. Gomes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"


The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation and said, "I outlived the Bitches."