The Cheap River Cruise - Funny Joke

Paddy saw a newspaper ad for a $10 river cruise. So he went out to the dock, where he saw a guy with a baseball bat and a coil of rope.

"I'm here for the river cruise", Paddy said, handing him the ten bucks.

The guy took the money then smacked Paddy over the head with the bat.

Next thing Paddy knew, he was floating down the river tied to a log.

Just then he spotted his brother Mick, who was also tied to a log and floating downstream.

"Hey, Mick!" Paddy yelled. "Do they serve meals on this trip?"

"They didn't last year!" Mick yelled back.

Funny Joke - The Waiting Game

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)

Funny Joke - The Drunk LA Cop

Two guys were walking along a road in Los Angeles when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken LA cop.

One guy was thrown through the windscreen and the other was knocked down an embankment.

The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

DIAMOND PLATINUMZ STILL AT THE TOP

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Fitness Friday| Looking hot while becoming hot!

This week, I'm being less lecturer like, and I am going to ask you all to look hot while you work out... a bit more fun, as we all love shopping!

It will be much easier for you to be motivated to work out if you have cute new workout clothes to wear, so chuck out those tatty leggings and over-sized T-shirts and get yourself something hot. 

Depending on which exercises you do, you will need different clothes for the activity.

Running

Properly designed footwear is essential.
Nike Air Max Excellerate Plus
 Ladies  Running Shoe-  £75
Sports Direct

Jacket- £65
Sweaty Betty

Yoga

Yoga Pants £60
Sweaty Betty

Yoga Top £38
Sweaty Betty

Dance/Aerobics

A sports bra, is essential for
every workout you do!
Look after your boobs!
£22
Sports direct

Capri Pant £17.95
Nike.com

I hope you all invest in some sexy workout clothes!

Nails Inc Piccadilly| NOTD

Just a quick peek of my nails today. Moving away from the metallics (although I've got a little bit of sparkle.)

This is my first and only Nails Inc varnish, but I would definitely get another. I got this free with Cosmopolitan magazine or glamour magazine a few months ago, and I really like the shade.

Shoe Dazzle Haul

Just a quick little post to share some picture of my lovely new shoes. As I mentioned a few weeks ago Shoe Dazzle UK was closing down, so they had a huge sale. Naturally I indulged and ended up buying 3 pairs of shoes, which I finally received today... YEAH!

The shoes themselves are gorgeous! Really well made and comfortable.

Which is your favorite? Mine are the purple ones!

Topshop Makeup Brushes| Review

A while ago, actually during the January sales, I bought this makeup brush collection from Topshop. I had previously not owned an entire makeup brush collection, just a few cheap brushes here and there, so thought I would splurge. 

The brush set cost me £26 if I remember correctly (so not so much of a splurge) but I thought it was a bargain, a good starter set, and loved the cute little case it came in too. 

So for the review.

The Good

• The brushes were soft
• There is a good variety of brushes, including brushes for face, bronzer, blush, lips and eyes. 
• Nicely shaped brushes

The Bad

• Quite thin bristles, not good for packing on colour. 
• The brushes have started to shed quite a lot... very annoying!
• After washing the brushes, they do not seem as soft.

Overall I would give the brushes a 2/5. At first I was very happy with them, but it seems that after continually usage they have almost disintegrated as they just get worse and worse. 

I am definitely looking at investing in some new brushes. Anyone got any favourites that don't break the bank? Or does one have to pay money for quality make-up brushes?

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Funny Joke - Two Words

At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr. President, I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you." 

He replied: "You lose."

Funny Joke - Reading A Newspaper

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again. (David Brenner)

Funny Joke - Beer Pool!

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish.

 "Turn the lake into beer," he says. 

The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. 

He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" 

The other guy says, "You idiot. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

One In A Million - Funny Joke

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)

Funny Joke - At The Funeral

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. 

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. 

"No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" 

The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." 

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" 

The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

Hilarious Joke - The Man And The Snail

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. 

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 

Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. 

The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

Scared By The Doctor - Funny Joke

I was very scared about going to the eye doctor to get a certain procedure done on my eyes. The doctor tried to put me at ease but to no avail.

 It was after he finished with my first eye that I nearly jumped out of the chair. 

“There there”, he said “only one eye left!”

Funny Joke - High Blood Pressure

A doctor remarked on his patients, ruddy complexion. 

“I know” the patient said “It’s high blood pressure, it’s from my family. 

“Your mother’s side, or father’s side?” questioned the doctor.

 Neither, my wife’s. 

“What?” the doctor said “that can’t be, how can you get it from your wife’s family?” 

“Oh yeah,” the patient responded, “You should meet them sometime!”

Funny Joke - The Drunk And The Police

Bill, who was drunk to the brim phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. 

When the police arrived at the scene, they found bill, who was feeling a bit sober now, laughing uncontrollably. 

“Never mind,” said Bill with a hiccup. “I got into the back seat by mistake.”

Why Did The One Handed Skeleton Cross The Road?

Why did the one handed skeleton cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop!

Hilarious Joke - World's Best Dad

Man: Did you save my son from getting drowned?

Life Guard: Yes sir!

Man: There was a one dollar bill in his pocket. Where is it?

The Brave Man - Funny Joke

A king offered half his kingdom or a 1000 kilos of gold or his daughter's hand in marriage if any brave man could cross a river full of poisonous snakes and crocodiles. 

No one volunteered but one young man jumped in to the river and crossed it without any difficulty. 

The king asked:  "What do you want brave man, half of my kingdom?" 

The man said: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then the 1000 kilos of gold?" 

Man: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then my daughter's hand in marriage?" 

Man: "No your majesty" 

King: "Then what is it that you want?" 

Man: "The name of the person who pushed me in the river".

Grandfather's Bill - Funny Joke

A signboard outside a restaurant said: 

"Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill". 

A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the bill he pointed to the signboard, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill". 

The waiter said, "Sir, this is not your bill, this is your grandfather's bill".

Funny Joke - The Relatives

After a two month relationship a woman asks her boyfriend:
Sweetie, when will I meet your relatives? 

Darling, it’s difficult right now. The kids are with their grandma and my wife is in a business trip.

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Dinner and Cocktails| OOTD

This outfit is from about a week ago, when I went to dinner with my friend to celebrate finishing our assignments. We went to quite a fancy restaurant and knew we were going for cocktails afterwards so I went smart casual. I hope you like.

*Dress- Primark*

*Belt- H&M*

*Shoes- Primark*

*Bag- Primark*

*Blazer- New Look*

Wow! I didn't even realise till know that it was pretty much a Primark exclusive outfit. Not bad I don't think!

Pamper Sunday

So tonight I had a little pamper night, after my hard day at work.

I finally unpacked my Lush box that I got for Christmas, and inside found two bath bombs/ fizzers and a bath bar. I decided to use the Santa bomb... better late than never! The aroma is really nice, quite fruity, but still relaxing, and it turned the water a bright orange.

So I had a lovely long bath while reading my Cosmo magazine and painting my nails a lovely metallic silver, and being covered in my mud mask

I think people should pick up Cosmo magazine this month, some great articles that make you stop and think, my two favourite are one on UK citizens being duped into trafficking abroad. The other article is about Sugar Daddy websites, and the girls who use them... a very interesting read. 

I hope you all had a lovely relaxing sunday also!

Oy!

I best be blogging! Life finds me on twitter--developing relationships with so many fabulous people. Sales of yarn have been wonderful, thank you to my followers. Yarn listings don't even make it to my etsy site, but I will be listing about 14 handspun, handknit hats in the next day or so. Then I will be working on getting another batch of handspun ready for sale.

Until then keep warm this mild winter!