An Italian, a Jew, and an Irishman are marooned on a desert island for five years. One day, while walking along the beach, one of them comes across an old bottle. He rubs it and out comes a genie, who is empowered to grant each of them their dearest wish:
"Ah," says the Italian, "let me go back to the Old Country, where the wine is sweet and the women are beautiful." BANG! He vanishes.
"For me," says the Jew, "I want to go to the Holy Land and live out the rest of my days with my people." BANG! He vanishes.
"Gee," says the Irishman, "it's so hard to choose what to ask for. I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide."
1.6.10
Joke - Fishing Spot
Two Irishmen are out fishing for the day, and they have a great time; with the fish grabbing the hooks as fast as they can get them into the water. Finally, with the boat full of as many fish as it will hold, they decide it's time to head for shore.
"But listen," says Mick, "why don't we mark the spot?"
"No problem," says Paddy, who dives into the water and paints a big black X on the bottom of the boat.
Mick beams with pleasure, and they're almost back to the dock when his face wrinkles in consternation. "Oh, no!" he cries to Paddy, "what if we don't get the same boat?".
"But listen," says Mick, "why don't we mark the spot?"
"No problem," says Paddy, who dives into the water and paints a big black X on the bottom of the boat.
Mick beams with pleasure, and they're almost back to the dock when his face wrinkles in consternation. "Oh, no!" he cries to Paddy, "what if we don't get the same boat?".
30.5.10
Joke - Time Up!
Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them.
Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.
His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop’s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."
Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.
In his excitement Little Johnny said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited.
His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop’s room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."
Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked.
In his excitement Little Johnny said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Top 10 Humorous Facts About Movies.
1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
2. A detective/police officer can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
7. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
8. When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
2. A detective/police officer can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
7. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
8. When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
10. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
Joke - Act Of Forgiveness
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Priest asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Priest then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Gomes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Gomes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
Ninety-eight," she replied.
The entire congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Gomes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation and said, "I outlived the Bitches."
80% held up their hands.
The Priest then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Gomes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Gomes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
Ninety-eight," she replied.
The entire congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mrs. Gomes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation and said, "I outlived the Bitches."
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