VIMWANA

Joke - Going To Heaven

I was testing the children in my sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved all beings, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again. 

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

'Well,' I continued, 'how can I get into Heaven then?'

A five-year-old boy shouted out,

'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'

Joke - The Mystery Of 11AM Deaths

This happened in a hospital's Intensive care unit where patients started dying every Sunday morning - exactly at 11 AM, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and an expert team was thus constituted to investigate into the causes of the incident. The following Sunday morning, minutes before 11 AM, the expert team anxiously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about..


Just when the clock struck 11...


and then......

Santa Singh, the Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and Unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

Joke - Green Bananas

A 96 year old business tycoon was approached by an investment consultant.


"Sir, I have this wonderful investment opportunity for you that will double your money in 5 years", said the consultant.


"5 Years! Are you crazy?" remarked the tycoon, "At my age I do not even buy Green Bananas!"

Humour - Proverbs As Told By Children

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. These are great:

As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up.

Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the... bug is close.

It's always darkest before... daylight .

Never underestimate the power of... termites.

You can lead a horse to water but... how?

Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.

No news is... impossible.

A miss is as good as a... Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new... math.

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning.

Love all, trust... me.

The pen is mightier than the... pigs.

An idle mind is... the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke, there's... pollution.

Happy the bride who... gets all the presents!

A penny saved is... not much.

Two's company, three's... the Musketeers.

Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as... Helen Keller.

Children be seen and not... spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.

When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way.

There is no fool like... My Aunt.