Joke - Billing Hours

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. 


But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. 


The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" 


St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" 

THE HOTLICIOUS TOPLESS AMBER ROSE

Joke - Bringing Her Back

A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?"

He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii."

The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?" 

He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back".

VIMWANA

Joke - Going To Heaven

I was testing the children in my sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

Again, the answer was, 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved all beings, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again. 

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

'Well,' I continued, 'how can I get into Heaven then?'

A five-year-old boy shouted out,

'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'