JENNIFER HUDSON......................

Jennifer Hudson is looking great and feeling even better in her newest campaign for Weight Watcher’s new PointPlus system. Jennifer, has dropped atleast 80 pounds since giving birth to her son and credits the weight loss to Weight Watchers and exercise. The Points Plus plan that she is currently promoting is designed to guide people to make healthful decisions by tracking points assigned to certain foods.

Joke - Little Johnny Is Scared

One day Gramma sent her grandson, little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran for his Gramma's kitchen. 

"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. 

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. 

"There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" 

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" 

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, 

"If he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Joke - My Work Life

• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.

• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

• Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

• Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme *.

• My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

• I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

• Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

• I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

• So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

• After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

• My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

* Thyme is a well-known culinary and medicinal herb.

Joke - Defining A Stable

When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.

I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, “It’s something like your sister’s room, but without that stereo.”

Joke - A Chicken Walks Into A Bar

A CHICKEN WALKS INTO A BAR.
The bartender says, ‘We don’t serve poultry.’


The chicken replies, ‘That’s OK, I just want a
drink.’

Joke - Two Atoms Walk Into A Bar

TWO ATOMS WALK INTO A BAR. One of them
says, ‘Damn – I think I’ve lost an electron!’


The other atom asks, ‘Are you sure?’


‘Yeah, I’m positive.’

Joke - Empty Beer Bottle Walks Into A Bar

AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE WALKS INTO A BAR


and the bartender says, ‘Hey, You are already DRUNK’

Joke - Cowboy Walks Into Bar

A COWBOY WALKS INTO A BAR. Upon leaving, he realises that someone has painted his horse.

The cowboy yells, ‘Which one of you painted my horse?’

A 7 foot tall hunk approaches and says, menacingly,

‘I did.’

The cowboy replies,

‘Nice colour!’

GO TANZANIA ! OFFICIAL PHOTOS

MORE PHOTOS AT www.matukiouk.blogspot.com

GO TANZANIA ! OFFICIAL INDY@49 THIS SATURDAY

The Official 49th TANZANIA Independence Celebration (UK) DATE: Saturday, 11, December, 2010 VENUE: Club Ambassador, 20-30 London Rd, IG11 8AG

Joke – Baptized Lamb

Once upon a time a Jesuit baptized a man and told him : “From now on your name is no longer Nigaro, its Francisco and on Fridays you’ll eat only fish.” 

The next Friday the Jesuit visited the convert and found him eating roasted lamb. “Francisco today is Friday! Why are you eating lamb? the Jesuit asked.

“Father,” the man answered, “Francisco take lamb, throw water upon him and then say, “Now you not call lamb any more, you call yourself fish.”

Joke - Mom's Birthday Present

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a flute instead."

"Why?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a flute, she can't sing."

Joke - Question Of Corruption

During a trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he asked, "that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted ten thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Joke - Printed On The Bottom

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens. “How did you know?” his mom asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath and told me,” he replied, “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Joke - Who Gets The Toy?

The father of four children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask who should have the present.

“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”

The four small voices answered in unison. “Okay, daddy, you get the toy.”

Joke - Sun At Last!

The professor in our inorganic chemistry lectures needed sunlight to catalyse a chemical reaction in an experiment.


However, on two successive days the weather was too cloudy. When on the third day, sunlight streamed in, the professor said, " At last we have a little sun".


Immediately a voice from the back of the room said, "Three cheers for the professor's wife".

Joke - Real Lucky

A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking one day and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.

"You were really lucky there," said the cyclist.

"What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!" said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.

"Well, usually I drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.

Just Another Blonde Joke!

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.

"What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?" she demands. "What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. 

"You keep out of this!" she yells. "I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!" 

On to Winter...

Oh my. I've been so bad at updating this blog! My apologies. It's kind of hard keeping up-to-date with my Facebook page, Twitter (vtknitboy), emails, my etsy site, and the blog! Twitter has been fabulous--I've made dozens of contacts and friends. Many have purchased my handspun yarn, so my focus has been to keep posting new yarns, pics, etc., there. Sales on Etsy have been slow, but I've sold many more skeins just listing on my Facebook page!

Little Annabelle-nippy-diva, my REW (red eyed white) German Angora, grows about an inch a day! Here's her updated pic. Check out my last post for the July pic.

Sorry this is short, but I just wanted to update the blog. I hope to become a bit more consistent on doing more posts. I've been asked by friends on twitter to post recipes, so that may become a standard.

Hope you all had a safe and joyous Thanksgiving!

Ciao,
Chris
Vtknitboy

Nj MoDeL iNdIcTeD oN cHaRgEs Of PrAcTiCiNg CoSmEtIc MeDiCiNe W/o LiCeNsE

Anivia Cruz-Dilworth (seen-r), a plus size high fashion model for Wilhemina and Click modeling agencies, has been indicted on charges of practicing cosmetic medicine without a license.

Apparently, six women went to Dilworth for buttocks-enhancement injections, and were told by her that she was a trained professional. Instead of receiving a fuller posterior the six females between the ages of

Joke - Being Honest

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You , Attorney Smith; gave me $15,000. And you, Attorney Paul, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket & pulled out a check. He handed it to Smith....

"Now then, I'm returning $5,000 & we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."

Joke - The Flying Turtle

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate, "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

LORRAINE SCHWARTZ JEWELRY LAUNCH

Last night, superstars Beyonce and Mary J Blige arrived at Lavo In New York for the celebration of Lorraine Schwartz’s “2BHappy” jewelry launch.

Other celebs at the event included Ashanti, Kim Kardashian, Gayle King, Tyson Beckford and Estelle

Kim Kardashian and Lorraine Schwartz

Gayle King

Estelle on the pink carpet

Model Tyson Beckford

NE-YO EVENT WITH FRIENDS

Keri Hilson, Brandy, Ray J, Jamie Foxx and more were on hand last night for Ne-Yo and Compound Entertainment’s AMA after party sponsored by Vevo. The private bash included performances & appearances by Ne-Yo (of course), Kelly Rowland and Diddy.

Joke - Eats Shoots & Leaves

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food."

The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary and reads - Panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Joke - Made In China

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... 

and then..

the rest was Made in China.

Joke - In Plain English

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said,' Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.'

'Well, in plain English,' the doctor replied,' you're just lazy.'

'Okay,' said the man.' Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.'

Joke - Headed Which Way?

A priest was preparing a dying man for his last journey. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! 

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil ?" 

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

Joke - Where's Dad

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, `Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I`ll help you get the wagon up later.`

`That`s mighty nice of you,` Willis answered, `but I don`t think Dad would like me to.`

`Aw come on boy,` the farmer insisted.

`Well okay,` the boy finally agreed, and added, `but Dad won`t like it.`

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. `I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad is going to be real upset.`

`Don`t be foolish!` the neighbor said with a smile. `By the way, where is he?`

`Under the wagon.`

Joke - Art Of Smuggling

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He`s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, `What`s in the bags?`

`Sand,` answered Juan.

The guard says, `We`ll just see about that. Get off the bike.` The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, `What`s in the bags?`

`Sand,` says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn`t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

`Hey, Buddy,` says the guard, `I know you are smuggling something. It`s driving me crazy. It`s all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?`

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles"

Joke - Taking No Chance

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer`s barn. 

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. 

The old farmer told him he had buried them. 

The sheriff asked the old farmer, `Lordy, were they ALL dead?` 

The old farmer said, `Well, some of them said they weren`t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie.`

Joke - Afterlife!

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees."Yes, sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Joke - Smelly Purchases

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time.

At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the Catfish stink bait is $2.50."

Joke - Only For The Funeral

An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.

With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed and went down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.

His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"

Joke - Making Sentences

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Joke - Getting Up For School

Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 36 years old, and you're the principal."

Joke - Discharge Papers

A General in the Army noticed that one of the soldiers in his unit was always acting weird. He would pick up every paper he saw, read it, and then put it back down saying, “That isn’t it!”

This happened for a long time before he had a psychologist come and examine him. The psycologist told the General that the soldier was deranged and arranged discharge papers for the soldier.

The soldier picked up the papers and said, “That’s it!”

Joke - The Well Trained Salesman

Aman Singh was appointed as a sales person at a local General Dealer's store in Chandhigarh While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had peach jam to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock." At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Aman Singh aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like plum jam, guava jam and so on."

Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Aman Singh politely replied, "I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now but you could try may be some sand paper!

Joke - Speedy Claim Settlement

Three Insurance salesmen were having drinks and boasting about each companies' service.

The first one said, "When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim and mail a check by Wednesday evening."

The second one said, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening."

The last salesman said, "That's nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor, in the Sears Tower. One of our insured, who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed by our floor."

UK'S TANZANIA 49th INDEPENDENCE CELEBRATION PARTY

ROSE SHAYO ( MISS EARTH TANZANIA 2010 )

BONGO NITE ........BONGO NITE........BONGO NITE

CHRISSLOVE AND JIMJAM PROMOTIONSPRESENTSBONGO NITE

DATE: 13TH NOVEMBER 2010
TIME: FROM 9PM TO 6AM

@THE LUXURIOUS CLUB AMBASSADOR

IN BARKING,

LONDON IG11 8AJ.

LADIES FREE BEFORE MIDNIGHT, GUEST LIST BEFORE MIDNIGHT AND STUDENT PAY'S 5 POUNDS ON THE DOOR UNTILL 1AM WITH A VALID STUDENT CARD.

THERE WILL BE FREE NYAMA CHOMA AND FIVE GROUP OF LADIES GET FREE BOTTLE OF WINE ON THE BASIS OF FIRST COME FIRST SERVE.

MUSIC BY MASTERPLAN JESSE, DJ COLLO,DJ BIGGZ AND DJ FUGAFLEX PLAYING THE HOTTEST EAST AFRICAN MUSIC ON THE NITE.
BONGO FLAVA,GENGE ETC
KARIBUNI WOTE!!!!!!!!

Halloween bash/birthday party at Miami’s Club Liv FOR CIARA

PICHA YA LEO

WiLlOw SmItH vIdEo DeBuT! i WhIp My HaIr!

LIMBWATA !!!

LIMBWATA FACTS

A) If LIMBWATA is to allow your wife to be a partner and participant informulating the family budget, then I support it, becoz women are wiser spenders than men.
B) If LIMBWATA means that the family money is used by Mama Watoto topurchase stuff at Kariakoo rather than being drunk by the husband atRIVERSIDE or GAZA ONE then I support that men are affected by LIMBWATAz
C) If a LIMBWATAz husband is the one who won't spend ALL the monthly salary with NYUMBA NDOGO or at KITIMOTO Bar (while his KIDS starve) then HONGERA to all LIMBWATAz husbands.
E) If LIMBWATA means that a MUME spends quality time with his MKE and WATOTO, instead of engaging in dubious investments where he is CONNED then; "Watu Walishwe LIMBWATA forever".
F) If LIMBWATA means that when MKEO is SICK you help her with work,that when she is over burdened you extend a helping hand then LONG LIVE LIMBWATAz
G) If LIMBWATA means that you DON'T BEAT UP your wife, that you seekassistance from your wife for they are called helpers when you have tried all the altanertives in vain, then LIMBWATAz LIDUMU MAISHA .
H) If LIMBWATA means that you treat your wife as a human being, that you are polite, don't bark at her like a dog, DONT growl at her like a hyena, consider that after work she is as stressed as you are then VIVA LIMBWATAz.
I) If LIMBWATA means that you are at home after work, and that your wife and kids are your next of KIN then HONGERA WALE WOTE WALIOLISHWA LIMBWATA.Na ukae hivyo hivyo kaka! KAMA UMELISHWA LIMBWATA, WEWE NI BINGWA!!
Tell you WIFE to add More LIMBWATA

BEAUTIFUL LALA

Lala rocked a bold print mini dress and black pumps to the ESPN Body Issue party at Skylight Soho. I'm absolutely loving this dress

MILITARY TRENDS 2010

I love love love this trend!!!!! I already have a pair of the military inspired cargo skinny pants. All I need now is a military jacket and combat boots. I would also love to find military inspired jewelry (Nothing gaudy though LOL). This trend is rugged yet feminine. I absolutely love the variety! Cute! Check out the set I put together onPolyvore.com.

click the set to view each item and the prices on Polyvore.com

What do you all think about this trend? Will you be making any purchases? Let me know by leaving a comment.

Joke - Billing Hours

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. 


But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. 


The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" 


St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" 

THE HOTLICIOUS TOPLESS AMBER ROSE