Funny Lawyer Jokes

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.


What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.


How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side then he
lies on the other.


What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.


"No Offence Intended"

Joke - Golf Lessons

A young man who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said,

"You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Joke - Putting Up A Fight

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Murphy's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

"Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!"

Joke - Smart Soldiers

An Israeli soldier who had only just enlisted asked his Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO said, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that kind of recognition!"

The very next day the soldier came back driving an Arab tank!

The CO was very impressed and gave the soldier his 3-day pass.

One of the other new recruits took him aside and asked how he had managed to single-handedly capture an Arab tank.

"Simple" said the soldier, I jumped in one of our tanks and headed towards the border. As I approached the border, I saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white
flag up. Then I said to the Arab soldier, 'How would you like to get a 3-day pass?'

"So we exchanged tanks!"

Joke - Nothing In His Way

A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey. I think there might be some real merit to what this article says; that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." 

"Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James has nothing standing in his way."